looking back when deciding to come home, my roomate Maddi showed me a verse the resinated with the season I have been going through,
In Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 is a list of there is a time for everything
v6 “there is a time to look for something and a time to stop looking for it”
v7a “there is a time to tear apart and a time to sew together”
In my life at the moment those two verses speak loudly into my heart. My Spirit is continually reminding me of these verses through the moments I feel overwhelmed with trying to plan my future, trying to get direction again, trying to not feel so lost…and continually humbling me as the Lord speaks – Vanessa Be Still and Know that I Am God.
Each day I am humbly reminded that I am not going to know my next step, that I need to let go of the control I am so desperatly trying to hold onto when the Lord is slowly pulling it away and bringing me to utter dependance on Him.
All this to say – we all have a calling upon our lives, some great and some to do everday things that no one else is doing. But what happens when we are the ones trying to pursue and fulfill these callings in our time rather than the Lords? through our strength rather than His Divine power?
There is a time to tear apart- there is a time when we will have everything we once stood on, torn from under us. when we feel we are getting a grip on God it will feel as though we know nothing. That is the time I am in, the Lord is tearing apart what I once thought was what I wanted, He is showing me that all I need is faith-to stop trying to plan everything, create a plan incase He doesn’t come through, or not enjoying where He has me now but trying to be where I want to be, where I feel I need to be. The Lord will gently remind us that it is His will, His way and He will accomplish all things in His time.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
I have realized for the most part, I have tried to maintain control over things so others will think I have everything under control- that I haven’t lost my direction (which I have), that I am certain of what I want (when I have no idea). I have come to see that trying to meet up to the expectations of others has put a burden upon me to meet up to standards of others instead of the Lord. That although I know the Lord is working His will through me, I have felt I could do it faster. That others were expecting me to get things started, to have a set direction and plan for my life and within all those things circulating my mind I lost trust in the Lord and went from letting Him work things out to trying to further myself instead of His kingdom along the way.
I was gently reminded that I am to stop trying and start being, to stop trying to get things done and start being a servant of Christ-showing His love along the way and embracing moments as they come-using my time wisely and worthwhile. To invest in those around me, to invest in relationships and nurture the ones I have- I have come to see I am in a great place for I have no commitments, I am open for the Lord to spratically move me or direct me somewhere else to go and I thank Him that He continues to reveal myself to me- that I am not living in ignorance but that He is tearing down and slowly re-building. I thank the Lord for humbling me, rebuking me and reminding me of His grace and love- that He has everything under control and I don’t need to worry.
May you too also be humbled-asking the Lord to reveal things in your life that you haven’t fully given to Him, surrendered to Him. May you allow the Lord to take you through seasons of tearing down and re-building, a time to seek and a time to rest in Him. May you allow Him to mature you through these seasons and gain a deeper understanding of who the Lord truly is.
“am I now trying to win the approval of mean or of God? or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ” Galations 1:10