Here I am to share my heart. For the most part it is easy to sit behind a computer and type words, but it is a lot harder to be honest about who we are, how we live and the person we truly are when we aren’t hidding behind a computer screen.
I’m not very good at explaining myself , but here is my attempt. I hope this will somehow relate to you or shine some insight on who I truly am. I once was someone who was very lost. I couldn’t even keep my lies straight yet alone my own life. As if being lost wasn’t bad enough, I was trying to find myself by actually “losing myself” with drinking and drugs. I slowly lost a sense of direction and purpose. I could go on about who I was, for I was someone who didn’t care too much about anything or anyone except myself. However, when I finally hit rock bottom, it was almost as if I was falling and finally landed, hitting the ground. And as I was lying on my back, my eyes slowly opened and in the darkness I was in, I was able to see a light in the far distance and that was all the hope I needed. The past two years of my life have been transforming. If you knew me back in highschool and still know me today, you would know the change that has happened not only in my life but with who I was and who I am. I am so grateful that, that small light sparked a hope in me and a realization, “know the truth and the truth will set you free” John 8:32. The truth was that I lost the true purpose of life.I was unhappy. I was lost. I was a mess and I desperatley needed to change…I needed to find the truth. I knew I needed time away to try to “find myself” and as I went to Africa on a missions trip with a church, instead of finding myself, I found the truth, and He is Jesus. Whether you think that is weird, crazy or questionable…the truth is, it is a miracle that I am who I am today and if it wasn’t for Jesus I would still be lost, confused and seeking a way in all the wrong directions. For when I was in Africa I was able to see something in those I was with that I didn’t have..why were they happy? why did they love Jesus so much? After all He was just a religion wasn’t He? Why were all these people, these children, who literally had nothing…still praising God and then in a small village in Africa, I was able to see, it’s because His love is enough. His love saves, His life redeems ours from the pit of darkness and His truth saves us who are lost. For God isn’t a religion, Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. During that month in Africa, I came to know Jesus personally, as a person not a religion. I came to realize that it wasn’t simply just giving up all that which I was doing to follow a set of rules, commandments, and go to church once a week. But that through Him, I am free…I am free from that which was stealing my happiness and joy and actually found the true source of joy and happiness. I realized the things in this world do nothing but consume us and fill our homes but leave our hearts empty. Although my life has still had ups and downs, and it hasn’t simply been butterflies and rainbows since that time, but I now don’t have to go through anything alone; For He walks with me and He gives me hope through hard times and in Him I have peace that it will only get better. For Jesus…He fills our hearts with that which most of us seek outwardly, true life, true love and true satisfaction. For all the riches in the world are miniscule compared to the riches of Jesus’ love and life.
Through the past two years, I have come to realize that in Him, I gained freedom. For all that which I did before I came to know Jesus as Lord, did nothing but hold me down and leave me empty inside. I came to realize that He did not come to confine us with rules but to set us free from those things which chain us down. For when I was consumed by doing the things which seem so “normal” to the world, I was desperatly lacking true joy, love and purpose. I was lacking the source of life, Jesus Christ. For once I let go of those things which did nothing but bring me drama, problems and discouragment, I was able to find true life, forgivness and hope. I was finally able to see that the things that I found so normal, were actually pointless and brought me no true satisfaction in life but moments of “happiness” that soon would dissapear and leave me again feeling empty, lonley and lost. For those things we are consumed by such as drinking, sex, money, etc only bring us moments of pleasure but in the end leave us feeling unsatisfied and again trying to seek for another answer to why we feel so empty and lacking in our life. I hope that you can see that, without Jesus and His Holy Spirit living within us, we will continue to be seeking outside things which will never bring us inward fulfillment.
For I look back at who I was and can’t even comprehend how I lived like that. I was mean, stuck up, self centered and rude. If it wasn’t for the grace of God and Jesus’ blood that covers all sin, I would not be who I am today. For I was someone who did not deserve to be forgiven for all that I did in my life, but Jesus saw me as worthy and He see’s you too as worthy. For if I was able to be forgiven, redeemed and restored…you too are able too. For sin is simply that which seperates us from God and Jesus came to take away all our sins so we can have a relationship with God, our Creator.
Through all this, I hope you are able to see that I am someone just like you. That Jesus isn’t just something to follow but He is a person who transforms us through His Holy Spirit living in us.
“If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9
I have faced a lot in my life, many problems and situations that most do not know and yet I have found freedom from all those things through Him who died for all to recieve forgivness and redemption. Why do we need Jesus’ forgivness? Becuase without it we are lost, broken and dead. For eternal life is in Jesus, if we do not have Him in our hearts, we are dead…but once we have Him, we are brought to life. Through my life, it is only by the grace of God that I am who I am. My life is a miracle because of the love of God. My testimony is simply to show that God’s grace and love reaches all people, no matter who they are, what they’ve done or how far they are down the wrong path-He can bring you back, restore you sense of identity and purpose and show you the way.
May through hearing about my life and who I was, you are able to see the true saving grace of God and that He truly is real. He is not just a religion or something you do every Sunday. He is someone you live with everyday through His Spirit living within you. His Holy Spirit desires to live through your life and transform you from the inside out. He desires to give you life to the fullest-not only saving you from hell for heaven when you die, but to live abundantly and freely here and now.
May you know that God loves you, that through Jesus, He is capable of changing your life. For I was once someone who thought I could save myself, but I was wrong. I now don’t live condemned, guilty or ashamed of who I was, for Jesus has shown me who I am in Him. I am so thankful for Him, for saving me, for the life I now live because of Him. I am so grateful that I am no longer who I was but am who He created me to be and enjoy the beauty of everyday. For I am only able to love others, because He loves me and I love Him.
I pray that your eyes are opened to see your life for what it is. That the eyes of your heart are opened to see Jesus as He is and that you will come to know Him as your personal Savior. For Jesus is Lord, He is enough and He is love. He can save you from all that you are going through. You are not alone and you are worth being redeemed. For I believe most of us try to disguise our problems which keep us from seeing our desperate need for a Savior. If I disgued my desperate need and did not seek help or realize and accept that I was lost and sought to fix it, I would still be broken and maybe even worse. Be reminded that your life matters, you were created for a purpose and were created to be in a relationship with your Creator. May you come to realize who Jesus is and that He is enough for you.
“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:17
If you want to talk, feel free to message me !!