We hold onto a lot of things,
Whether we even know what those things are or not –
They are still there.
We hold onto past hurts, fears, insecurities, mistakes, regrets, failures, words said to us, things that didn’t get said, the way people treated us, maybe even the way we treated others.
We hold onto all these things and as we continue to, they pile up.
One on top of the other,
And they build up until we become fearful, bitter, angry and whatever else we use to protect ourselves;
Or until we decide to let them go.
And this is time to let go.
Someone that has taught me a lot about letting go is Yogi.
I’ve written a few blogs about him and our journey so far.
And from the help of a good friend, Yogi and I are going to try again.
Because I see something in him that I’m not ready to give up on,
I see something that we all struggle with, that we all need to learn from –
We need to learn to let go.
I watch him as he goes around the arena, trying to get the saddle off his back.
And wish it was as simple as talking him through it, telling him that it’s okay, that he’s okay and that whatever he has gone through before we can work through.
But I can’t do that with him and have realized that I can’t actually do that with others,
Or even myself.
Because these things that we have held onto for so long, and now have become ingrained into us.
It isn’t as simple as seeing them and forgetting them,
We now need to choose to acknowledge them and bring them before the only One who can heal us, restore us and set us free.
For the more that we trust in the Lord we are able to move past the things that overwhelm us, the things that scare us and the things that keep us from being free to live.
These things keep us withholding our best, keep us from loving others freely and loving ourselves.
They are the very things which hurt us rather than enable us and I’m ready to do my best to let them go.
Because I watch Yogi and see what holding on does to someone.
I can see it in his eyes and my friend has pointed out areas in his body where he holds tension and resentment.
I watch the way he moves, head up high – strained and tense, the way he doesn’t bend his neck softly or how hesitant he is to come to me.
And I don’t want to be like that, I don’t want the things I hold onto become things that dictate the way that I live.
For he has a hard time letting go and has shown me that I’m similar – we are similar.
It’s far too easy for me to see issues and think I have dealt with them,
But then something happens and I retreat back to them.
Rather than seeking the Lord through it and fighting them,
I do what’s easiest – I go back to my default.
We tend to hold on tighter to the bad experiences than the good.
But as I am learning with Yogi,
I need to show him that when he has a problem to face up to me rather than running around.
I am trying to give him tools to fight against his default patterns and realize that when he turns in to face me,
There is peace, there is security and there is comfort that he is okay.
That even if the same feelings come back or situations, that he can now deal with them.
Because he is not alone now in dealing with his things, and neither are we.
And because of him, that has given me such a beautiful picture of our Fathers heart.
That He longs to give us the tools to stand against these things that we face,
Rather than continuing to retreat to old habits – to face up to Him even in the midst of all that we are feeling and find refuge in Him.
For it is when we come, even carrying these things, even scared and unsure that He will meet us.
We have a tendency to think that we need to fix ourselves, that we need to get over it, that we need to let it go but the hard truth to accept is that we cannot do anything to save ourselves, to heal ourselves or to make ourselves new.
Only by His grace and redemption can we begin to work through the issues of our hearts and let Him renew our minds.
But it’s hard.
It’s hard working through these things.
For we continue to go back.
We continue to fall short.
But the hope in which I try to live by is that Jesus has given me the very things to live set free but I need to choose Him daily, moment by moment to embrace those truths rather than trying to handle it on my own.
For even in my short comings He is with me, He stands beside me and I will not be shaken.
For even in the darkest moments, He has been my light.
And even when I continue to go back to my default patterns,
He is patient, He is kind and He continues to seek me out and call me back to Him.
Reminding me that I am not who I use to be but by His blood, I am made new.
It is a continual process following Jesus,
Letting our minds be renewed and our hearts healed.
But it is worth it.
So I look at Yogi and see us, in all our brokenness, in all our bad habits and patterns we retreat back too and I am encouraged to help him.
Because our Father doesn’t give up on us in our messiness, He remains faithful.
My prayer for us is that we will be men and women who even in our hard moments face up to our loving Father. That we will work through our issues and come to Him with boldness and courage. That we would allow our hearts to be healed and minds renewed. I pray that we would live by faith and not by sight. And that by Jesus name we would live for Him and by His strength. Laying down our lives so that He will be glorified even in our brokenness. May He mend our imperfections by His grace and through our flaws show His redemption. May He use us as we are to be people who love Him and others.
I hope you are willing to let go,
For although I have much to let go of;
The things I have started to let go of have given me freedom.
Freedom to love freely,
Freedom to acknowledge my short comings,
And freedom to know that they no longer define me.
“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest”
“Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.”